I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
