I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
