Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
