Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
