Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
