Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
