I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
