but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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