he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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