we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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