Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
