I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
