planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
