Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
