He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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