Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
