dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
