Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
