I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
