you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
