Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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