M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
