I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm always down for nudity.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
