At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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