so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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