Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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