I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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