omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
