Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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