I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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