i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
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