I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
