summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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