Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
