All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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