He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
