took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
