uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
