I cannot find my penis.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
