a queef is a wish your heart makes.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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