My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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