I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
