Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
