Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
