You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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