you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
