ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
