You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
