I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
