That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
