I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
