East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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