CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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